I was in Tesco's today....

I was in Tescos today buying a large bag of Pedigree for my dog and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Pedigree Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about popped out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally believing it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or handbag with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall bloke that was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if it was something in the dog food that had poisoned me and that may have been why I ended up in the hospital. I said... "No..... I was sitting in the street licking my arse when a car hit me".

I thought the tall guy was going faint and have to be carried out the door.